the Change I Wish to See

i'm confused
because now is both always and never:
always trying to go places i've never been,
always struggling to do what i've never been able,
always waiting for a realization that never comes.

sometimes i wonder
if life is at a standstill
or if i'm running at rest
in stationary motion:
always moving
never going anywhere.

but at least time passes.
or does it?
you'd think one so obsessed
with time could find it,
especially when all of time feels
like the same time.

i wish i could tell time;
tell it i hate it,
tell it i breathe it,
tell it i made it,
tell it i need it.
but all of my clocks are faceless.