But before we get to that..
I walk into the metro station and glance at the Express. Headline reads: "Metro: service getting worse;" which I think is odd. Not for its truth, but as the second-most overdue concession of the last decade (some of us are still waiting for O.J. to write the book not even Judith Miller could back: Yeah, I Did It and Other People I Tried to Kill: A collection of short stories).
So I pick up the paper: "not once did the agency meet its performance benchmark" in the last 17 months.
But I found no solace in confirmation that I wasn't crazy nor in knowing all the times I complain about DC's haphazard attempt to be a city were validated, because I kept reading.
"The number of track fires doubled."
Christ. Of course they did. So not only are you underground longer as your train is late, but Metro has exponentially increased your risk of being trapped in a fiery grave. Sweet. Thank god they raised the fares this year to "the largest fare and fee increases in Metro history." It's nice to know someone's preparing for the casket cost. Because grad school insurance, believe it or not, doesn't cover readily avoidable horrible death (or teeth; or eyes).
But the point: I just saw the largest roach I've ever seen.
And I wonder if the fare increase (which, by the hit on my Smartcard, must be circa 20%) will cover super-duper-rodent-stain-remover. Because I saw the shadow before I saw its owner. I thought it was a mouse. You could've walked that mofo on a leash. Imagine the biggest roach you've ever seen and then give it roids. Then lock it up in a roach motel and wait for it to get prison-swole. And when it's grown too large for the box, set it free in Metro Center. Let it frolic - no! - let it gallup through the tunnels. Let the toxic breeze from the incoming orange line run through its antennae. Re-capture it and cast it as the monster in the Cloverfield sequel.
And I wonder if the fare increase (which, by the hit on my Smartcard, must be circa 20%) will cover super-duper-rodent-stain-remover. Because I saw the shadow before I saw its owner. I thought it was a mouse. You could've walked that mofo on a leash. Imagine the biggest roach you've ever seen and then give it roids. Then lock it up in a roach motel and wait for it to get prison-swole. And when it's grown too large for the box, set it free in Metro Center. Let it frolic - no! - let it gallup through the tunnels. Let the toxic breeze from the incoming orange line run through its antennae. Re-capture it and cast it as the monster in the Cloverfield sequel.
At the very least, confirm that I just witnessed the most troubling sighting since Mena Suvari appeared in any movie she's ever done.
Sent via iPhone.
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