the Change I Wish to See

...and whatever else it takes to find my pants

Vince, the ShamWOW guy?  Yeah, he's back.
  
And this time I'm gonna stop pretending I don't want what he's selling.  Mark my words: I will own a Slap Chop.
  

    
  
"You're gonna love my nuts" (at the 0:55 mark).
 
Really, Vince?  Why not just go with "My nuts taste better than my competitors?"  Or, or "My nuts: they'll leave you satisfied?"  Ooh!  Or how about, "My nuts: accept no imitations?"  And of course there's the classic, "Check out dees nuts."

You know exactly what you're doing.  I think you saw this
    
  
... and decided to be your own parody.  And that earns you major points.
 
Billy Mays would probably beat you up pretty badly in a fight.  But your marketing genius would mean you could hire someone to stand in for you.  Which would be awesome.  Because it would leave your precious nuts intact.