the Change I Wish to See

...and whatever else it takes to find my pants

                                                                                                 (Karel Navarro - AP)

Sorry Peru, but we don't want your "dog."

Obama was elected to bring change, some color, some style and maybe even a little Mr. Smith to Washington.  Not rats - not even culturally significant ones.  We have rats.  Obama is not some adapted version of the Pied Piper.  And we will not stand for him luring such creatures into the White House.

It was clever of you to offer so publicly, making his answer a cog in your international relations ploy.  If he says "yes" he affirms the validity of your claim that the animal is a canine (a claim repudiated by almost 2 out of every 5 non-biologists); if he says "no," well, that's an affront to your people and heritage.  Nice try.  But this will not be Obama's Bay of Pigs and we will not be manipulated.  We will Hugh Grant your Billy Bob Thornton and then Dance Dance Revolution to the Pointer Sisters.


It's not that we don't like you and your non-dog, we're just not ready for that kind of commitment right now, Peru.  We just got out of a really unhealthy relationship.  Give us some time; or at least a less hideous pet.

9 comments:

Matt said...

I dont think that actually qualifies as a "dog" does it?

Kiera said...

What is that thing? I know they aren't trying to pass that it as a dog. It looks a cat that survived a horrible burning.

Katie said...

The look on the poor creature's face says it all. There's no pride in those eyes. It knows it should be hiding in a dark corner somewhere awaiting next year's world's ugliest dog competition. At least the one in the first picture you had up had a small tuft of hair.

f.B said...

@matt: no way. it just can't. i had a dog once. i know dogs. and that, sir is no dog.

f.B said...

@ kiera: a horrible burning indeed. a horrible chemical burn from liquid shame poured all over it..

@katie: i had to make the change, bloggeristic integrity, blah blah... but it has already been disqualified from next year's ugliest contest. kind of like how they don't bother putting Jocelyn Wildenstein on any more "world's ugliest person" lists. just wouldn't be fair.

Sara said...

And now I have a perfect image of what tonights nightmare will involve. Do you think it attacks or is creeping people out its method of defense?

f.B said...

@sara: i think it does both of those and more. what is this "more" i speak of? exactly. no one has lived to tell

Felisa said...

Poor... thing. Whatever it is.
I'm not sure it counts as a dog either.
I love that video of Hugh Grant from Love Actually. I can actually imagine Obama doing the same dance but with a little more rhythm.

f.B said...

@felisa: we saw a little of Obama thanks to Ellen. If I was him, I'd be doing that dance everyday for the next year or so.. no matter what happens.