the Change I Wish to See

...and whatever else it takes to find my pants

12.05.2008

Oh Boy, George!

It's always a shame when celebrities don't take their own advice.

Take Boy George for example.



I bet he really, really wishes he was a little more chameleon and a little less convicted of falsely imprisoning an escort.

Now I know things aren't always what they seem in any justice system.  But there's a pretty good chance you're going to be convicted of something somewhere when you admit to the cops you
"invited Carlsen to [your] home after a cocaine-fueld pornographic photo shoot in January because [you] suspected the Norwegian of stealing pictures from [your] computer."
Balls.

Not a good start George.  Say it ain't so.  I dunno if it's my lack of arrogance or my well-aged whisky-like wisdom, but if I ever get interrogated, no freaking way am I explaining my way out of it by mentioning a cocaine-fueled porn shoot gone awry.  No freaking way.

Know what else I'm not doing?  Hiring a defense lawyer who actually stands up in court and says, "Your honor, we move for judgment notwithstanding.*  My client was too fat to attack an escort in his flat."  In all fairness, what the real lawyer actually said was, "With the greatest of respect to George O'Dowd, he is not someone you could describe as terribly fit....  He has put on a few pounds since the 1980s."  Yeah, so much better.

And to that end, I don't know what's worse.  The fact that the jury said, "Nope, just not fat enough.  He's all round, but he's not huge," or that if acquitted it might have been because he was too porky for prison.

And George, why'd you have to punch and beat him with a chain once he was already handcuffed?  Overkill.  You got greedy.  You brought a chain to a non-fight.  Maybe if you cuffed him to the wall but then just grilled him about the jpegs you thought he stole, he would've let it all go.  But you beat him.  Hmm.  Kinda like he stole something, I guess.  But just because it makes a good joke doesn't mean it's funny.  Well it does, but for us, not for you, George.  Get some perspective.

I guess we'll see you when we see you.

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*I did mention that whole "went to law school" thing in a post at some point right?  Eh well.  Guess you know now.

7 comments:

Sara said...

For Boy George, every day is like survival. Which...is going to be a lot more difficult in prison.

lacochran said...

"I dunno if it's my lack of arrogance or my well-aged whisky-like wisdom, but if I ever get interrogated, no freaking way am I explaining my way out of it by mentioning a cocaine-fueled porn shoot gone awry."

You have the sense to save it for TMI Thursday.

f.B said...

sara: survival. nice. there are just so many easy shots here

la: yeah i do, where it belongs.

LiLu said...

Oh, Georgie boy... how far the mighty have fallen.

f.B said...

so far. like, "can you believe he was once that high" far

Nina said...

didn't know you went to law school...


hahahahah

sooo funny, though..beat him kinda like he stole something...

f.B said...

he made that joke so easy. that was what that joke was made for