the Change I Wish to See

...and whatever else it takes to find my pants

I sat down last night to write something you'd be proud of.
  
But I was out of my element.  I didn't have my Mc'Book in front of me.  I panicked.
  
Now before you judge -- wait, no; actually, I'll pause to give you sufficient time to do so
  

  
-- I actually had two really good reasons.


1. A twist on the cliche: my computer is my journal.

I've always laughed at the idea that clicking my fingertips could ever get me back to Kansas.*  I have easily a dozen real, made-from-tree, notebooks bedside.  And I've convinced myself that someday, my thoughts will be back in print as regularly as they're in html.  Naturally, this meant I held my keyboard in low regard.  Until last night, when I realized that my brain had become so rewired that using any other keyboard was impossible.  I just stared at the screen; for hours.  I blinked a few times, but that was as far as I got.  But the important point for you...
  
    
2. You've been looking at this blog.

Uh huh.  You have.  And I just learned that last night.  You see, a few months ago, finally removed from nearly a decade of school, I started to post more frequently.  I changed my theme to match the newly-fueled effort.

Well, I thought I did.

Apparently, my theme -- the one I researched color palettes for and everything -- looks only barely like I had planned if you're reading this on a PC.

Now, now.

I know.

But this isn't a

  
  
It really isn't.  The point is that for the last few months, I thought we were really getting to know each other; that we had developed an understanding that went beyond words, that included not just the tapestry but the heart that went into making it.

Let me pull back on the Hallmark sensibility.

I thought we were speaking the same language, one punctuated by the backdrop of this theme.  But last night I discovered that while I thought we were both fluid in the same native tongue, it seems instead that you speak German, I speak Polish and the appearance of this blog means we're actually just making-do in auxiliary Esperanto



Don't believe me?  Borrow someone else's laptop.  The font in the header is different, there are no side panels flanking the main body...  And if you have no idea what I'm talking about there: exactly.

So.

I've been thinking about making some changes around here, the least of which is thematic, the biggest of which is moving to WordPress.  It's not a promise -- though of course, you'd be of the first to know -- but this whole "things aren't as they seem" way of living isn't good for any of us.

I will do better.  I must do better.**

----
*Not really from Kansas, just creatively plugging a little, barely successful movie.
*I will try...?

10 comments:

Sara said...

Make the move to wordpress, you will not be sorry.

Well, you might be sorry. But I won't have to type in my name and URL anymore when I comment, so I won't be sorry.

Sara said...

Make the move to wordpress, you will not be sorry.

Well, you might be sorry. But I won't have to type in my name and URL anymore when I comment, so I won't be sorry.

Brooke said...

Seriously...everything looks better on a Mac. I hate looking at my blog on a pc. It's not pretty.

If you move to wordpress, let me know how the move goes.

Lemmonex said...

If you move to wordpress you will never look back. I love it. Google is not the best at everything.

lacochran's evil twin said...

"I thought we were speaking the same language, one punctuated by the backdrop of this theme. But last night I discovered that while I thought we were both fluid in the same native tongue, it seems instead that you speak German, I speak Polish"

[insert series of clicking sounds]

f.B said...

sara: perk #1

brooke: i had no idea it was that ugly

lemmonex: for some reason i read your comment and my brain went to "All Dogs Go to Heaven," where Charlie leaves heaven to help Anne-Marie but is warned that he can never come back. i love animated movies.

evil twin: i sent you an email. but now i'm realizing that maybe "clicking sounds" meant something totally different than i thought. which would make my email seem the definition of "weird." if i was wrong, oops. i have this thing about over-analyzing.

PQNation said...

If you'd like to make the move to wordpress...

I can give you a page on my site...that way, you won't have the restrictions of the 'free' wordpress themes and plugins.

Holla @ me if you wanna talk about possibilities.

lacochran said...

Ironic that your title was "Lost in Translation." :) No worries.

By the way, if you haven't seen the movie by the same name, you might like it. I did.

Rachel said...

That's a good decision for you to make. :)

Trying to get a theme work perfect in every browser is the most frustrating thing I've experienced with blogging.

f.B said...

la: thank god. i was beginning to worry i'd become too weird to put up with. and yes: only here could the post title really come alive. i guess i have a thing for completing the experience

and i have seen the movie, and i loved it. thought it was so wonderfully simple.

rachel: seriously. until i have time to really work at it, i might just have to go with something much more simplistic