I sat down last night to write something you'd be proud of.
But I was out of my element. I didn't have my Mc'Book in front of me. I panicked.
Now before you judge -- wait, no; actually, I'll pause to give you sufficient time to do so
-- I actually had two really good reasons.
1. A twist on the cliche: my computer is my journal.
I've always laughed at the idea that clicking my fingertips could ever get me back to Kansas.* I have easily a dozen real, made-from-tree, notebooks bedside. And I've convinced myself that someday, my thoughts will be back in print as regularly as they're in html. Naturally, this meant I held my keyboard in low regard. Until last night, when I realized that my brain had become so rewired that using any other keyboard was impossible. I just stared at the screen; for hours. I blinked a few times, but that was as far as I got. But the important point for you...
2. You've been looking at this blog.
Uh huh. You have. And I just learned that last night. You see, a few months ago, finally removed from nearly a decade of school, I started to post more frequently. I changed my theme to match the newly-fueled effort.
Well, I thought I did.
Apparently, my theme -- the one I researched color palettes for and everything -- looks only barely like I had planned if you're reading this on a PC.
Now, now.
I know.
But this isn't a
It really isn't. The point is that for the last few months, I thought we were really getting to know each other; that we had developed an understanding that went beyond words, that included not just the tapestry but the heart that went into making it.
Let me pull back on the Hallmark sensibility.
I thought we were speaking the same language, one punctuated by the backdrop of this theme. But last night I discovered that while I thought we were both fluid in the same native tongue, it seems instead that you speak German, I speak Polish and the appearance of this blog means we're actually just making-do in auxiliary Esperanto
Don't believe me? Borrow someone else's laptop. The font in the header is different, there are no side panels flanking the main body... And if you have no idea what I'm talking about there: exactly.
So.
I've been thinking about making some changes around here, the least of which is thematic, the biggest of which is moving to WordPress. It's not a promise -- though of course, you'd be of the first to know -- but this whole "things aren't as they seem" way of living isn't good for any of us.
I will do better. I must do better.**
----
*Not really from Kansas, just creatively plugging a little, barely successful movie.
*I will try...?
