We -- and by "we" I mean Miss Bianca, Orville and me
-- had some apparently wild and crazy aspirations about being useful on Thanksgiving. There's some important guy who's been clamoring about being the change we can believe in lately and so rather than sue him for infringing this blog's title, it seemed worth the try. Volunteering here we come!
Allegedly-Giving-Website FAQ: Not so fast, silly generous one. You can't volunteer. You didn't follow the obvious protocol.
me: the what?
FAQ: for each of you -- a volunteer application, employment history, 2 references, blood work*, SSN and a minimum 30-day advance notice window
me: so let me get this right. in arguably the worst financial crisis since the Depression, the most important question is "whether we are qualified to give away food," with "whether it fits into your calendar" being a close second?
FAQ: that is correct.
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And so, again, not that it's all about us -- or you, if you tried to give and also failed in a way you didn't expect to be possible -- but we are less than horrible characters. We definitely wouldn't steal the goods. And we would have done anything you asked. Anything.**
But you rejected us. I won't reveal your name here, evil organization. I can't afford to defame. But if a couple people this year have even less to be thankful for, it is entirely your fault.
Inspired by LiLu's -- er, uh, her B's -- utility bill fiasco discovery, I even sent you this photo of an actual cat hoping it would sway your lifeless heart.
But you are unwavering in your soulessness.
So, we'll make it without you. We will. And we've already got other plans, so don't try to call or text us like, "Hey, so, uh, you busy this Thursday?" Cuz we so are.
Because we don't have time for this:***
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*Ok, ok. But it was funny.
**ANYTHING.
***This may undermine our fervor, but we'd be there in a heartbeat next year. Whatever you need. Remember the ** footnote.
6 comments:
You have to admit, Orville would definitely steal the goods. He's already dreaming of "helping" on Thursday.
well, Orville, maybe next year
Nobody can turn down the cat from Shrek. NOBODY!
What is with all the cats on the internet? Weird.
NPO's do this just to show you what it is like to spend your days in an organization that makes no sense what-so-ever. Welcome to my world.
MISS BIANCA!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for taking me back to that place! I had forgotten all about it.
If they were able to refuse the Shrek PussNBoots, they are not human. You might as well surrender right now...
But you could always try the spider.
la: i KNOW.
but "everybody wants to be a cat, because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at." Yeah, I just quoted Disney's "The Aristocats."
sara: thank you for the welcome. know any tricks of the trade for next year?
lilu: i am in that place every single day. glad you could join me.
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