the Change I Wish to See

...and whatever else it takes to find my pants

Scene: both sides of a brain enter their owner's bedroom at 10am on a Saturday.

left brain: those are not his panties

right brain: you always jump to conclusions

lefty: he doesn't wear panties

righty: there's a lot about him you don't know

lefty: you only think you know that

righty: you only think you know that

[insert impasse]

lefty: and that's not how he left the bed.  are those pine needles?

righty: you're so shackled by your fair-weather OCD, you can't even appreciate the haphazard beauty; it's almost postmodern

lefty: those are definitely pine needles

righty: it feels like fall in here

lefty: where do you even get pine needles in DC?

righty: Pottery Barn?

lefty: your unwillingness to cooperate astounds me. it also doesn't explain that spot on the floor

righty: i think that might be glue

lefty: you think that might be glue?

righty: i'm capable of defending my position on this

lefty: by all means. i'm all neurons

righty: strewn fluids and clothes you claim he doesn't own - clearly it's a recollection piece...

lefty: well i must be an artless bastard

righty: ... recreating his shared dorm room sophomore year in college

lefty: you're done

righty: i smell bacon

[insert a second impasse]

lefty: what's the protocol for the "did you have sex in my bed which is completely separate from your room" talk with your roommate?

righty: just wing it

lefty: right. but seriously, glue?


lacochran said...

Yeah, pretty sure that's not glue.

f.B said...

I'm a little less cautious in text than in person. In person, I've since let myself be convinced that nothing actually happened that night and so I just washed everything, instead of pushing for "the facts." Since the fragility of that position is obvious, I'm gonna have to keep the arts and crafts dream alive.

Blaze said...

Phew, my brain isn't the only one...

f.B said...

@blaze: it most definitely is not