the Change I Wish to See

...and whatever else it takes to find my pants

Hey kids!  Franco Beans here.
 
You've heard of the Snuggie!
 

  
  
You've seen the ShamWOW!

    
Well at The Change I Wish to See, we bring you
 
the Shamie
     
the ShamSnug

the SnugWOW!

It's a Snuggie!  It WOWS!*

Busted water heater?  Tired of ice cold winter showers?  Bathe in my SnugWOW!  It'll keep you warmer than showering naked like those hygienic fundamentalists and it holds more water than any of those dated, 20th century, Martha Stewart Living towels you still use.  Martha's got a life.  I want a life, too!

SnugWOW!

Fed up with your lover's messy goodies?  Trash the lacy teddy.  Rock a SnugWOW!**  No more sleeping in "the spot."  No more SLS.***  Cut a hole -- maybe two! make it work for you! -- and keep on trucking.  And clean up?  No clean up!  It wrings out dry when you're wrung out dry!

SnugWOW!

You might think a body glove like this would cost $100.  Maybe even $200.

But no!  This ain't your mama's body glove!  This, is the moisture wrap of the future.  And it's only -- wait for it... -- two easy payments of $49.99!  And if you comment today, you'll get not one -- not one! -- but TWO

SnugWOWs!

for the price of one.  Sing it with me: "that's two, two, two Snugs' for one!"  Give the holiday-appropriate gift of Snug, and WOW your partner, your coworker or your mailperson!

Act fast! Supplies are imaginary!

  
Due to the SnugWOW's propensity to trap used liquid in its grasp, tests reveal it's like wearing a sopping rag of mildew, which is rumored to guarantee some sort of fungal infection somewhere.  The makers of SnugWOW do not -- we repeat DO NOT -- want to hear about such conditions and will smother you with a SnugWOW if you complain.

-----
*It humiliates.
**Translation: full-body prophylactic.
***Sticky Leg Syndrome.

8 comments:

Katie said...

One size fits all! Sadly, I think if you put out an info-mercial at around 2 am you might actually sell a few. I still want to know why the shamwow guy is wearing an earpiece/mic. He's on tv, there's no audience, who can't hear him??

f.B said...

you'd be surprised to learn what you can't hear without the speaker wearing a headset

Sara said...

The perfect answer for those pesky hard to shop for people still left on my holiday list!

Would this be an inappropriate gift to give my boss? A few weeks out with a fungal rash could give me exactly the reprieve I have been looking for

gwgirl said...

haha. this is should definitely be an infomercial on gameshow network. thanks for the comments. they've made me feel a lot better!

Ben Connor Barrie said...

I was so captivated by one of the Shamwow commercials that I got halfway through the online order form before I came to my senses.

True story.

f.B said...

sara: i have never been surer of anything than that it would make a great present for your boss.

gwgirl: you're very welcome. and if i can get enough time to actually film a spot, i'll send it right on over to gameshow

ben: i gotta admit. i want one a little. which is why i'll never even go to the site.

Nina said...

my mouth was on the floor...

f.B said...

well, if you drooled while your mouth was on the floor, the SnugWOW would've been a great way to keep yourself dry